Playing God
by careskanks
Summary: THIS STORY IS SET AFTER TIME STANDS STILL 2. DO NOT READ IF YOU DON'T LIKE SPOILERS. When Emma is dealing, she never expected to fall back into her past. Mostly SE. UPDATED CHAPTER 4.
1. Going Back

Playing God

Chapter 1- Going Back

Disclaimer: If I owned Degrassi, do you think I would be living in the United States? That would be a negative.

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She stood outside his door for around ten minutes. She couldn't decide whether to ring his doorbell or not. After what happened at school... she didn't know what to do. She didn't know where to turn. She was hopelessly lost in everything that was going on. She had left and ended up at his door. Where to go from there she didn't know. Her thoughts clouded her brain. She couldn't think. She just needed to go home and sleep.

As she turned away to walk home the door opened. "Emma, hey.." Sean Cameron was standing inside in jeans and a tee. "What are you doing here?"

What was she doing here? She couldn't even answer that question herself. "I..." she started her sentence but she didn't know what else to say. "I don't know.. I just kind of ended up here.."

"Look, I know everything that happened at school was hard and all so I'm here if you want to talk." The truth was he didn't know what he would say to her. He hadn't known what to say to her since last year. He and Ellie had broken up. The whole living together thing had just torn them apart. What did he think he was expecting when he asked her to move in? A/N: Sean and Ellie didn't really break up in the show, this is just something I added to make my plot work, sorry for any confusion!

"I'd like that." Emma smiled and walked inside. She sat on the couch and put a pillow on her lap. "Sean, what you did yester-"

"Don't worry about it," he cut her off.

"No, I just wanted to say thanks." She got up to leave but he didn't want her to go yet. Things were quite awkward but he wanted things to go back to normal.

"No... stay... please.."

"Sean, you know we have nothing left to say to each other. You know we are through... over... what more could we possible say?"

The words hit him hard. What were they suppose to say?

"Jimmy's doing better?" it was more of a question, waiting for approval of conversation from Emma.

"I heard." Tears were streaming down her face. Yeah, she had heard. She had also been held at gunpoint.

Sean walked over to her and held her as she sobbed into his shirt. "It's ok," he whispered.

"Sean, why did you save me like that?"

"Because I still care," he let the words slip out like it was nothing.

"What?" She started to pull away.

There was no turning back from it now. "Emma, I still care about you, you know that."

"No, they way you treated me.. I thought you literally hated me."

"I could never hate you."

"I hated you."

"Really now?"

"For a while..."

"Thanks for the love, Em."

"Anytime, Sean." She laughed for the first time since it happened.

"I love it when you laugh." He looked down at her at. It was like that time at her mom's wedding when they danced. He touched his forehead down to hers. She looked up and him and he saw her answer in her eyes. He leaned in, his lips touching hers, leading to another kiss.

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School was out for at least another three weeks. Emma had visited Jimmy in the hospital with Paige and Hazel. They said he should wake up any day now. She was hearing should a lot. Snake should be off his chemo soon... Her mom should be going back to the salon anytime now... should had lost it's meaning. Just like Sean probably thought they should get back together. No, that's not what she wanted. That kiss was a mistake. _Then why did you let it go on for over an hour?_ It was a mistake. Nothing more. She hadn't felt anything. _Then why do you keep thinking about it?_ She forced herself to focus on other matters. Matters that actually didn't matter, like walking down to The Dot to get a frap.

As she walked her thoughts wandered. They wandered to school, Jimmy, Rick, Toby, how everything was going to change once they had to go back. Her mind wandered to the thought that what would have happened if Sean hadn't been there. Would Toby do the same thing for her? She doubted it. What was she to Toby? He had been acting weird every since they hugged in front of the school. _Whatever._ She walked into the Dot and ordered, only to find herself walking back out to keep walking. She stopped at the park and sat on a swing. As she pushed her body back and forth with her foot she let her mind rest off all those thoughts.

"Hey," Sean came out of nowhere. She didn't say anything. She didn't ever look up at him. She didn't really want to talk to him. She wasn't ready to talk to him.

"Are you ok?" he asked her like he cared. But she knew he didn't. Did he care last year? No. Was that going to change? No. Even if he had said he cared, it was lie. Emma just shook her head from side to side.

"Want to talk?" Again, she shook her head. No she didn't need to talk to Sean. Sean hadn't of wanted to talk last year so she sure as hell didn't want to talk to him now. _But you talked to him yesterday. _It was true, she had talked to him yesterday, willingly too. _Yesterday I was an emotional wreck._ But she wasn't anymore, she had gotten a hold on herself through the night.

"You know what Sean, I don't need to talk to you. I don't need you to save me. I don't need you." She got up and started home.

"Emma, what is up with you? You wouldn't talk to me at all last year and then you come to my house like everything is fine. Then we kiss and suddenly everything is back to the way it was. With you not talking to me and all! I know you still love me!" Oops. Did he just say love?

"Love? I NEVER loved you. And YOU were the one who didn't want to talk, remember?" She continued to walk without looking back. But when he didn't say anything she started to worry. She didn't let the worry get to far though, she was too upset.

"You're an idiot, Sean. How could you think she was in love with you?" He talked quietly to himself as he took Emma's place on the swing. _Because you're still in love with her._

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Three weeks had gone by. She hadn't seen Sean since the park incident. She had just gotten ready for school. She looked in her full length mirror. Her tan legs looked great with her new frilly white skirt. Her pink top went well with it too. She smiled at her new buys and grabbed her bag. She walked out the door without saying goodbye to her mom because she was still sleeping. Snake was already at the school. Her pink high heeled flip flops smacked to her feet as she walked, making that sound. As she turned the corner to the school, she realized she hadn't really talked to anyone for those last three weeks. How was Jimmy doing? That question was answered as she walked up the steps and saw Jimmy standing inside. She ran up the steps, ran through the doors, up to Jimmy and gave him a huge hug.

"JIMMY! When did you get out?"

"A few days ago, but I wanted to come back to school right away so people wouldn't worry." Emma still hadn't let go. They had become pretty good friends when Emma started to hang out with Paige.

"Glad you're back." She smiled.

"Me too."

"And so are all of us." Paige walked up behind them. "As for Spinner, officially not talking to him until he makes some major apologies." She smiled, although Emma knew it wasn't real, Paige still loved Spinner even though he had been a total jerk.

"Well I have to go talk to Mr. Armstrong, see you girls later!"

"Bye Jimmy!" They said in unison.

Emma and Paige walked down the hallways catching up. "So, you and Sean?" Paige asked.

"Sean.... I don't know... he just..."

"Come on, Emma, we both know you aren't over him."

"Well," she was just about to say that he HAD changed until she looked over and saw him back with Jay and his lame group of friend, "he hasn't changed one bit."

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A/N: Hope you liked that chapter. Next chapter will be up before next week. R/R! K, thanks!


	2. Sorry

Playing God

Chapter 2 - Sorry

Disclaimer: If I owned Degrassi, I'd actually make this happen on the show!

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He had seen her, walking with Paige. And he had heard her too. Those words hit him hard and he was sure that she did hate him. Again, anyway. His mind was clouded with the thought that Emma hated him. How could he love someone that hated him? _Maybe I'm not in love._ That was it. He wasn't in love with Emma. Or anyone else. He didn't even know what love was. Love was a foreign feeling that he would never have. At least not with Emma. _Then why do the words 'I love her' keep coming back to me?_

He walked to class and sat in his normal seat, which just happened to be very far away from Emma. They had never sat by each other, or even really talked to each other since they broke up last year. As much as he wanted to sit and talk to her though, he didn't do anything but sit in that seat. He was doing some last minute homework when Emma walked in. He looked up at her and tried to make eye contact to tell her that they needed to talk. But as far as he could see, she was looking right past him. She sat next to J.T.

After the lecture Mrs. Kwan had dwelled out and the assignment was given, they were allowed to move seats. J.T. had went and sat by Toby, so Sean was free to sit down next to Emma. As he got up, he made his way towards her.

"Hey," he whispered into her ear.

"Hi."

"You want to work together?"

"I'm more of a... 'I don't work well with guys named Sean' type."

"Emma, come on."

"Don't 'come on' me Sean"

"Why won't you give me another chance?"

"Because I already gave you a million chances and each time you threw it away."

"I was stupid ba-"

"Yeah, you we're stupid," she cut him off.

"Emma, you know I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. If I have to say it a hundred times I will."

"Get counting." Her voice was cold and filled with hatred. The bell rang.

They all filed out of class within a minute, but Sean was left in his seat contemplating what just happened. _Fine, if she wants one hundred sorry's, I'll give them to her._ He got up and walked to his locker, not looking at Emma once as he passed her.

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Sean didn't go to his next class. In fact, he left school altogether. He walked to the mall and entered the flower shop. Since he had gotten a job at a local auto repair shop, he had some spare cash to spend now and then. Now and then was definitely right now and he had intentions of spending every single cent of money that would make Emma forgive him.

"I'd like 100 roses please."  
He knew that both Emma's parents worked. Snake was at the school, teaching his fourth period and Spike was at the salon... doing whatever she does there. Jack went to a local nursery until Spike got off work at about 2. Right now it was 1:28 and Sean needed to hurry. He walked to the side of the house and set the stack of roses on the ground. He opened the window that led to Emma's room and climbed in. He stuck his hand back out the window and grabbed the roses. He started at her door and put 3 or 4 roses on each step. He put the others amongst the room randomly. He grabbed a piece of paper from her desk and wrote on it 'A sorry per rose' and set it on her bed. He left the room and started to walk back home. 10 minutes until Emma got home.

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Emma's day had definitely not been a good one. First, she had been rude to Sean for no apparent reason at all. _Ugh, mood swings._ Second, she realized she had forgot all her History homework at home. Third, she spilled chocolate milk all over her pink top and had to borrow a sweatshirt from Paige, and fourth, the heel of her new pink flip flops had broken off. So for the whole day she was walking around with a guilty conscience, a 0 in history, and a sweatshirt with one shoe. _Lovely._ She hobbled into her house and dropped her backpack down. She went into the kitchen, grabbed a diet coke, grabbed her backpack again, and headed down to her room. As she opened the door, she was taken away by the sight of her room. Every single step had three or four red roses on it. Her floor was covered. So was her desk, her shelves, her bookcase, EVERYTHING. Then she looked back at her bed, which was also covered in roses, and saw a white piece of paper on top of it all. She picked it up and read '_A sorry per rose'._

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At first she was upset, then just angry. Then she realized maybe he really did mean he was sorry. Maybe he really had changed. Maybe she was wrong. _Maybe I love him._ No, no. Where did that thought come from?

She forgot about everything that was going on and just left her house, heading for Sean's. When she got there she rang his doorbell and waited. He opened the door, not expecting her at all.

"Emma..."

"So I guess you weren't lying."

"I know, I told you I would give you a hundred sorry's."

"No, that's not what I was talking about.

"Then what were you talking about."

"Well I guess you weren't lying about anything. About being sorry for everything that happened last year and all."

"I know."

"Yeah, now I know too.

There was an awkward silence for about 30 seconds until Emma broke it.

"I'm sorry for the way I was acting. I was wrong."

"It's ok."

"Am I forgiven?"

"No." He said playfully.

Emma laughed and replied, "Come onnnnn."

"K, you're forgiven." He said has he pulled her into a hug. He kissed her and surprisingly, she kissed him back. He pulled away and whispered, "I love you." Emma's body went tense.

_He WHAT?_

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A/N: Awww, how SWEET. Anyway if you hadn't realized it yet, they keep denying there love for each other. And they keep denying that the other one loves them. Blah, blah, blah. They'll get over it soon enough. Anyway, thanks to everyone who reviewed!

GOThICsOCkMoNKeYs- Thank you for motivating me to write. Those sock monkeys were a scary thought.

Jasmine- Lol, I don't know if you are thinking that Jimmy is ok on the show because I don't know that yet. But he's ok in my story!

Anyway, review please, because then I will update 4390248239084302 times faster! Ok? Ok!


	3. Denial

Playing God

Chapter 3- Denial

Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi, I don't own Degrassi, I don't own Degrassi, I don't own Degrassi, I don't own Degrassi, I don't own Degrassi, I don't own Degrassi, I don't own Degrassi, I don't own Degrassi, I don't own Degrassi.

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Emma's eyes were full of confusion. _He can't, he can't, he can't, he can't, he can't. _Could he? She wasn't ready for this. After everything that had happened. No. He was just as confused as she was. If she wasn't ready for this kind of commitment, neither was he.

Sean was looking at her with need. _Why hasn't she said it yet?_

"Sean, I..." she stopped talking.

"You what?"

"I don't love you." He couldn't say anything back to that. She continued talking, "And you don't love me."

"Emma, why don't you believe anything I say anymore? I love you, and you love me. Stop denying it."

"I'm not denying anything, Sean! I don't love you."

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because I can't."

"Just because you can't doesn't mean you don't." Tears were welling up in her yes. He could see the thoughts turning in her brain. Emma was so confused she didn't know what to do with herself.

_He's right._ "FINE!" she screamed as she turned and started to storm away. She turned back around and started to yell again. "I LOVE YOU SEAN CAMERON. I LOVE YOU." And with that she turned back around and stormed home.

Sean couldn't help but have a smirk on his face.

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Emma wasn't at school the next day and Sean couldn't help but worry about her. After everything that happened the night before, he thought that she might not be there because of HIM. What if she got hurt on her way home? What if something happened to Snake? Or her mom? Or her brother? _She just has the flu._

He walked to Manny's locker to find out what was going on. "Hey, have you seen Emma?"

"No, I thought she would be with you."

"What? Why?"

"Come on, Sean. The school isn't blind."

"Right. Anyway, she isn't here. She didn't call you and tell you she was sick or anything?"

"Since when were me and Emma speaking?"

"Oh. Sorry, Manny."

"It's ok. It's not like she hates me anymore. We just don't talk as much. Maybe J.T. knows."

"Right. J.T. I'll go find him." And with that he left Manny and walked down the next hallway. Before he even got close to J.T.'s locker though, he ran into Paige. How could he be so stupid? Paige and Emma were friends. He'd ask her.

"Hey Paige. Have you heard from Emma at all?"

"Yes. Why would you want to know?"

"Because she isn't here and I wanted to talk to her."

"Why don't you just leave her alone?"

"What did she say to you?"

"Nothing, Sean. She's at home because she didn't feel like coming to school today, ok? I'm bringing her the assignments that she would have gotten today at school. Don't try calling her, visiting her, or trying anything. Got it?"

"Seriously, Paige. When did you talk to her?"

"This morning. She wasn't very keen on the idea of seeing somebody named Sean Cameron today. She said she need to _think things over._ So I suggest you leave her alone until she has thought those things over or I'll be sure that you won't be seeing her for awhile. Understood?"

"Fine. God, no need to go psycho on me."

"What are friends for?" She smiled at him and stalked off towards her next class.

So Emma wasn't at school today because of him. _Great._

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Emma's house was silent and empty. She was all alone with nowhere to go. School wasn't an option for a girl like her. Paige was the only one that knew what was going on. Her home life wasn't so good. She was lost. Lost in a world of lust. She was lusting for more hope and luck. But when it didn't come she was about to burst.

She literally couldn't take it anymore. Emma left the house at eleven o'clock that night. She couldn't stand staring at those same four walls any longer. She couldn't stand being home. And the fact that Sean hadn't even tried to talk to her really made her mad. She put the keys in the ignition of her car and started it up. She backed out of the driveway and left. She found herself driving down a familiar road once taken in a cab with Manny. That one night last year when that went to that rave. She parked her car and left her purse in the passenger seat. She didn't want to be able to be reached. She walked into the filthy club full of dancing bodies, so close they were sharing sweat. And then she joined them.

"You want some beer?" A deep voice from behind her asked. She turned around.

"Yeah." He handed her a bottle. "Thanks."

"No problem. So what's your name?"

"Emma. What's yours?" She was talking loud so he could hear her over the blaring music.

"Aaron." She took a long swig of her beer.

"Let's dance."

They danced for what seemed like hours. She was dancing like she never danced before. She just let herself go and go. She didn't even realize it when things were getting out of hand. Her vision was blurry and she couldn't see. She couldn't remember anything.

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It was Saturday and Sean decided that he couldn't wait until Monday to talk to Emma at school. He walked over to her house at eleven the next morning. Both Snake and Spike's cars were gone which meant they were either out on errands or at work. Emma's car was parked crooked on the curb. He went to her window and climbed inside to her room. Emma was crashed on the floor when Sean came in. He knew that she had stayed up too late and she looked too thin. There were empty bottles lying on the floor with clothes thrown about. But when Sean found clothes that he didn't recognize he started to worry. But there was no other body in sight. He picked up Emma and put her on her bed. He tried to wake her up.

"Emma." He shook her lightly. "Emma, wake up." She moaned softly and her eyes fluttered open.

"What are you doing here?" she asked groggily.

"Emma, it's eleven clock in the morning, there are beer bottles on the floor, and you are in your underwear! I'm pretty sure I should be the one asking questions, not you."

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A/N: Ohhh, intense. Ok, you may be thinking 'THAT'S NOT SOMETHING EMMA WOULD DO!'. Yeah, maybe. But just think if someone almost shot you, your dad had cancer, your mom was sinking into depression, you had a new baby brother that seemed to be your responsibility, and then some guy that you have had a very rocky, emotional past with just told you he loved you. Pretty sure you would break down, too! Lol, so yeah. It's not like she is going to make a habit out of it. She just had a little break down from all the emotional pressure. Ok? So don't yell at me! K, thanks. Anyway, I updated fast didn't I? So reward me with more reviews!


	4. Regret

Playing God

Chapter 4- Regret

Disclaimer: If I owned Degrassi, I would sleep in the hallways and eat in their lockers and work out in their gym and pretend I was part of the story line... but since I don't own Degrassi, I can't do that!

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She felt so stupid and vulnerable. What was she thinking? How could she go out and be so reckless and not even think about what the consequences of her actions would be. The girl last night was someone Emma didn't even know. Sneaking out, getting drunk, bringing drunk guys back to your house. If he wasn't a half decent guy he could have taken total advantage of her. Luckily, she passed out before anything really bad happened. She had done more then she had ever done before, but she hadn't gone all the way. Thankfully. She felt so insecure and alone. _I was just a little over my head. _A little? Who was she kidding?

Sean was so understanding. She was there, lying in bed, while Sean was nursing her hangover. Lucky her she has a guy that actually cares. _Hmph, lucky. _Tears were forming in her eyes as she thought of all that happened last night and that's when Sean came downstairs with some Advil and a glass of juice. He eyes were full of concern. She refused to tell him what had exactly happened the night before.

"How are you feeling?"

"Better."

"That's good."

She accepted what he had brought for her and swallowed the pills with a sip of juice.

"Are you going to tell me what happened?" Emma didn't make any notion to his question. She just sat there staring at the opposite wall with the glass in her hands.

"Come on, Em. I can handle it."

Tears were streaming down her cheeks. "But I can't."

"You're smarter then other girls, Emma. How stupid could you have been?"

"Pretty dumb, Sean."

"Just tell me."

Emma sighed. He was going to keep asking until she finally spilled. She mine as well tell him right now. "Well I left because I couldn't stand being here for another second. And then I got into my car and started driving. Then I just kind of ended up at that club down on 52nd street."

"And then..."

"And then some guy offered me a beer and I said sure. Then we danced and he followed me home. And then we came down here and..."

"What'd you do?"

"What did I do? Do you want to know what I did Sean? I fucking went down on a fucking guy I didn't even fucking know!" Emma couldn't face Sean, not now. After he said I love you, she practically cheated on him even though they weren't technically going out. She didn't want to have to look at him, every time she felt so guilty. She got up to leave her room but Sean grabbed her and pulled her into a hug. He caressed her hair and she sobbed into his shirt.

"Shhh, it's ok. It was just a mistake. You didn't mean to."

"I'm so stupid."

"You're not stupid. You're the smartest girl I know."

"Well I did something stupid."

"I'm not denying that."

She looked at him questionably. That comment was kind of uncalled for when he was suppose to be comforting her.

"How could you go out like that when you know you can come to me?"

"You were the last person I wanted to see, Sean."

"Why though?"

"I was scared."

"Of what?"

"Saying I love you back." _Does that mean she loves me? _"I was scared you might hurt me again. I was scared that if I actually said that, it would be real."

"I will never hurt you ever again."

"I know."

"I love you, Emma."

"I love you, too."

He held her close for a long time. Right now she didn't need someone to make out with. She needed someone to hold her and be there for her. So that's what he did.

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Beepbeepbeep The sound of Emma's alarm clock rang throughout her room. School was the last place she wanted to go. Hopefully nobody would know what had happened Friday night. She hadn't seen anyone that she knew. She shed the thought from her mind and got out of bed to go take a shower.

After getting ready she grabbed her bag and headed out the door. As she stepped outside, her stomach growled. She ignored it and decided to grab something to eat at school. She had been to sad to eat during the weekend, but she didn't want to be late for school. She hopped in her car and drove down the road. When she arrived she got out of her car and walked up the steps, heading for her locker. She felt as though eyes were following her as she walked along. She ignored the feeling though, being all too familiar with it after what happened with Rick. She stopped at her locker and started to pile her books into it when Sean came by.

"Hey." he said to her. His voice was shaky and uncertain.

"Hi."

"Look, Em... maybe you should go home."

"Sean, I already missed Friday, I can't possibly miss another day of school. There would just be to much work to make up. Quizzes.. tests.. extra homework assignments. If I missed another day I-"

Sean cut her off before she got any further into her explanation. "Chris was there."

"Who was where?"

"Chris was the D.J. Friday night."

"So?"

"So her saw you with that guy."

"So what? I was only dancing with him at the club. It's not like anything happened there."

"You couldn't really remember anything from the club remember? Maybe he's just spreading rumors... but he's saying you did stuff at the club too."

"I broke up with Chris, but he wouldn't do that to me."

"Apparently he would," Sean said as some girl walked down the hall staring at Emma.

"I'm going to go talk to him..."

"Look, you should really just go home and let me deal with it."

"You can't fight all my battles, Sean. Let me deal with this one." She pushed him out of the way as she practically sprinted down the hallway towards Chris's locker.

"Emma." Chris greeted her in a cool tone.

"Chris, what are you saying about me?" Emma demanded.

"People ask, I'm just telling them the truth."

"Then what is the truth exactly?" She partially knew, but since she was so drunk she couldn't really remember what had happened.

"Well considering how drunk you were, you wouldn't remember would you?" It was like he was reading her mind.

"What rumors are you spreading?"

"Aaron's my brother's best friend. He told me. I know."

Emma felt as if she had been punched in the stomach. "So you are telling everybody what I did with him?" She asked in a hushed tone.

"Basically."

"How could you do this to me?"

"Payback." His tone was harsh.

All day Emma went through being started at and talked about. Paige had comforted her. She said she knew what she was going through. Which was partially true. But Paige had said no. Emma was too drunk to say anything at all. _Everyone probably thinks I'm some dirty slut who goes out, gets drunk, and does it with random guys._ Thank god the day was almost over.

As soon as the last bell rung, Emma stopped at her locker as fast as she could, ran out of the school and straight to her car. She had wanted to cry all day, so as soon as she was away from everyone, she just let it all out. She stammered down into her room once she got home, laid down on her bed, and cried herself to sleep.

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A/N: Oh no, more tough times for Emma! :/. I was kind of afraid to make what happened to her happen, but whatever I did it anyway. So deal with it and again, please don't get mad at me because you think that's something Emma wouldn't do because she is a environmental crusader, a babysitter, a nurse... blah, blah, blah. YOU ARE TURNING INTO OLD SEAN! STOP YOURSELF! Ok! I updated fast again didn't I? I'm so good! Just kidding, but seriously, review!


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